Mindfulness has changed my life. It goes way beyond the edges of my meditation cushion. I’ve been in situations where I was extremely frustrated and confused about what to do next. I was angry about what someone else did or said, and felt betrayed—like a victim. My story was that someone else created a situation that left me with two undesirable choices. And I was mad about that, too.

A huge a-ha moment occurred for me when I created a little distance from my emotions and instead, just noticed them. Wow, I’m really unhappy! I then gave myself some compassion, much like I would to a good friend. Of course you are—this isn’t at all what you want. I get it. I see you. 

Boom. Instead of being mad, I suddenly became really clear and things became very simple. Acknowledging how unhappy I was let me realize that I didn’t like the situation that I was in and I no longer wanted to be in it. A limit became obvious and I knew what I had to do. I felt so free from arguing and trying to convince the other person about how I felt and how the situation affected me. I took responsibility for myself. 

Surprisingly, the outcome wasn’t what I might have thought. My all or nothing thinking, which caused me to see things as very black and white, this or that, turned out to be limited. Another possibility showed up when I got honest with myself and stopped trying to change someone else.

The power of befriending whatever we are experiencing happens through curiosity. Curiosity suspends the feeling that things should be something other than they are, and instead, invites us to understand better what is. Resistance and frustration fade and the door opens to clarity, creativity and courageous choice.